To the angels of mercy....

I'm not sure what exactly started this but I have had an overwhelming feeling that has set itself at the forefront of my mind today. It is a reminder to be grateful. A moment of self reflection and realization. We all know that much of who we are is made up of the people we are surrounded by. They play an integral part in helping us find a definition of ourselves so that when we are asked...."who are you?" or "what do you believe in?" we can give an answer and feel that sense of identity. As my mind started to wander today...as it frequently does...I started to contemplate who I was and what I wanted to do and all of those rather large questions of life that we spend so much time trying to figure out, (in reality i am finding that I am defined more by how I become something that what it is I become) I found myself paralyzed in a thought. I know that I want to be a force for good in this world. A force of change where necessary, a voice to a story that has not been told, to perhaps be a catalyst for growth in all I touch. A healer, a storyteller, and a leader. Some would dare say I aim to be a superhero. This is not a new discovery to me. It was the thought that followed after that has brought me to write this now. These desires or drives or whatever you want to call them came from somewhere. While I do believe in a certain predisposition from a previous to mortal state, I have to attribute much of who I am to those who have been the framework around me as I have grown. As we all have...I have grown throught life experience...been molded, shaped, beaten and battered...even broken at times. Anytime I have been growing, when i have been broken, when i have been truly alive there has always been a framework of amazing people around me. I would be a disgusting, pathetic creature if I did not take a moment to say with all my heart "Thank you." I cannot find words strong enough to convey my thanks to each of you who have been part of the Master's sculpting hand as he has continued to work on me. If nothing else I thank you for caring, supporting, and trusting me. I believe that there is much ahead for me to do (as there is for all of us) and I cannot take one more step forward toward expanding myself without pausing and seeing the foundation which brought me here and has made me who I am today. Thank you all for the gift of your life and your love.

God bless,

Ryan Bruckman

More...

More....

It’s what we all want and what every one seems to have.....or is it all we get and can never get enough done before it comes back? It seems to me as thought the cry of “more” rings loud in this generation. More comes in different forms though.

Have you ever felt like there was something inside you pulling you towards something that seemed a detour or the complete wrong path? Have you ever felt like there was something bigger that you are supposed to be a part of but you don’t know what? These things, I am coming to believe are the symptoms of positive More.

That ache that you feel at times when you look over your day and feel like it is a mediocre as they come. The drive to make your life have meaning beyond an hour pay rate.

I recently had an experience which came as a sort of slap in the face/wake up call/pep rally. I’ll pause for a moment while you visualize a person being slapped awake in the middle of a pep rally in their bedroom. .......moving on. I attended a reunion. I have heard that it is common to leave a reunion feeling somewhat...underachieved. Mostly due to comparisons. That is what i believe the negative side of more is.....comparison without context or initiative. I was blown away at what some of the people i was visiting with had achieved or where they were headed in their life. As I perused over my own life and accomplishments I felt that I had fallen short. That perhaps I had spent too much wasted time in trying to decide what to do that I had missed the opportunity to do something great. I was reminded of some of the things I had done that made my life special. I have a wonderful wife and a happy supportive family on both sides. In this day and age that is something that one must learn to be proud of. As amazing as some things are in the scope of worldly adventure little compares to being able to say...”I am part of a dysfunctional functional loving family and we’re doing alright”

I fear when the drive to be or do “more” comes because we have seen others do more and we feel that we are less for their gain. I fear it because I know it is a common reality, though we would care to believe otherwise. That drive for more leads to a loop a horrible loop that only can be broken when the one inside of it breaks. You cannot beat this loop. There is always someone who has done more...been more...in terms of achievements, locations, careers, etc... I fear that we too often get ourselves into this loop believing we will find some resting point where we are satisfied with how much “more” we have. I submit that this is rarely the case.

But the drive to be or do “more” that comes from a different place is one of the most phenomenal characteristics of humanity. When you have felt that pull to do something great, or to improve yourself in some fashion. I believe that comes from the part of us inside that knows we are capable of “more.” It doesn’t grow out of comparison, but out of passion. The most influential people in my life have made a difference to me because of a shared passion. I do not call these hobbies or interests because they are not either of those things. Passion is not simply about enjoyment. It is about a feeling of completion. The things we are passionate about most often are the things we use to define who we are. Therefore when we share a passion with someone else we are literally sharing a part of our identity, of who we feel we are and we have connected with someone because they are the same....and yet distinctly different. When one finds something they are passionate about...that is where “more” becomes something else. “More” will drive you to master your new found passion. It fosters growth and I have found in most cases it compels you to better yourself and your own world. It becomes a great blessing to you and those whose lives are connected to yours.

With this being said, I wonder what the true challenge of “more” is.... Is it truly just having “more” or is it knowing when it is good or bad? How much “more” is enough?

When it’s driving us towards something great how do we know to seek for “more”?

As always one good answer opens up a hundred questions.....

For now I look to be more than I am....but never less than “enough”